Everyone: Are you okay
Everyone: You look tired
Everyone: You look upset
Everyone: You look confused
Everyone: Are you mad at me
Everyone: What are you mad at
Me: IT'S MY FACE
i used to think like this until i realized that it’s not healthy. you HAVE to be happy for yourself. because truly, at the end of the day…you’re all you have. other people come and go. you are you forever. be happy for yourself. not other people. that’s all.
hey you! yes you. (letter to myself)
you deserve better.
i’m sure there will be times in the future, maybe the near future, maybe the distant future, when you will be missing him again, and the old times, and want him back.
but you know what? he doesn’t deserve you. he really doesn’t. you are an amazing, outgoing, caring, loving, funny person. you’re fun to be around. you’re amazingly strong. you fight for what you want and what you believe in. you’re smart, and honest. you’re willing to do -anything- for your friends.
and you deserve the exact same. you deserve someone who puts you first. and who cares about you always, not just when it’s convenient, or when you’re at your best. you deserve someone who loves you through lows and highs. good and the bad. you deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel small, or stupid, or worthless, or unlovable. you deserve someone who will be there when you need them.
you -don’t- deserve someone like (him). you will find this person eventually. you are capable of being loved, despite how he made you feel. believe me.
i’d rather have a life of “oh wells” than “what ifs”.
even if he doesn’t respond…i’m content. because i tried. i put myself out there. i did everything i possibly could to make things right. there’s nothing else i can do. it’s up to him to decide what he wants. and whatever he wants…i will have to live with it. and it may not be the reaction or response i want. but it’ll be okay. because i was the bigger person. i fought for what i wanted. i did the best i could. if he doesn’t want me back as a friend…sure, it’ll fucking suck, but that’ll have to be that. i am content. i am at peace. i cant live my life thinking “what if”. i gave it a try and if it doesn’t work out the way i want it to…so be it.
we have so many amazing shared memories and firsts. we had so many good times. i will look back and smile at all the good, and be stronger because of the bad. i’ve grown, i’ve learned, i’ve been to hell and back.
i have absolutely no regrets and would not change a thing. because you never can change the past. only grow from it. and i have grown. tremendously. and the ride was damn worth it.
